The Pain of Truth.
You are constantly surprised when you realize, time and again, that confession and repentance are the key to unity with God. Why is this the case? And why is it not natural yet, a process of life as integrated as breathing or drinking?
You once had someone close to you, with tears in her eyes, ask, “will it always be this painful? Is it always this hard with God?” With a heart broken open, you told her it gets easier, that the process of telling the truth to God and allowing Him to move in healing slowly becomes more familiar and transpires more quickly. At some point it becomes a welcome ordeal, because it means freedom; the benefit outweighs the pain. And you hope yourself that those words are true.
Confession invites you to stop lying and live in the truth. As a whole, redeemed person your lived-in admission of your weakness is at the core of your true strength. Repentance no longer means to you, “I’ll promise to do better”, but rather, “I’ll acknowledge today my need for your loving guidance, lest I think I can do this on my own”. Your mind is being transformed from one of illusory independence to one in constant need of the Person of Jesus.
Later in the day you recognize you aren’t quite the same person you were when you woke up. You’ve changed a little bit more; you’re living more comfortably in the new skin He has wrapped you in.
Faith will lead you to the place where your mind, heart, and soul will gradually accept confession as the beautiful window to freedom-in-weakness that it really is.
The pain of confession and repentance is that the change-over does not come immediately. You often get off your knees wondering if it made a difference, wondering if you really meant it. It’s not until your admission of weakness sinks back into your unconscious self and leaves the pertinent matters of the day to the conscious that transformation truly occurs. You’re not looking for it anymore. You don’t seek the reward of a good performance, but rather you have let your faithfulness stand for itself without needing to be propped up by results.