jehovah-jireh and comraderie with ravens.
i have been in awe recently at the concept of G-D as “Jehovah-jireh”, the Lord as my provider. actually, it translates three ways from what i’ve read: “the Lord will See”, “the Lord will Provide”, and “the Lord shall be Seen”. and i’m really learning what all three of those mean in terms of His interactions with us on the tiniest scale.
for instance. right now, i am poor. very, very poor. this week i have been quite worried about how i am going to pay my bills on the first of next month. well, i started off worried, anyway. but i kept hearing this little voice telling me, “don’t worry. i’m taking care of it. you may not realize it, but i have you under my wing”. so, i try not to worry. good grief. that is such a hard thing not to do. it seems as though it is in our nature to worry. i think at this point in history, above all other, worry is like a plague, an epidemic that spreads quickly into every household and mortgage and college course and heart that beats with blood. because with worry comes his friend fear. and fear can govern our lives like little else. we get so wrapped up in our own, we worry about losing somehow, we fear being without. i think about maslow’s hierachy of needs that i learned about in education courses, and how worry can permeate every level that we appease. especially at the bottom rungs, those that are physiological and safety related. it almost seems like anyone who isn’t worrying about getting promoted at work or buyng a new car or how they’re going to dress to get sex next or refinancing their home to get better APR percentage rates is crazy.
ANYWAY, i mentally checked through everything i would have to do in order to “make ends meet”, as the saying goes. so right now i am sifting through cd’s, records, and dvd’s for anything i can sell. yesterday i went up to jacksonville to visit some friends, and drop of my portfolio at a job i am praying desperately for (if you’re the praying type, please say a little word for me). i KNEW that i couldn’t spend a dime all day; and this is something that i constantly wrestle with, resisting the temptation to spend money. so i was hungry. very hungry. we went to starbucks to get free coffee, and just as we got there, our friend jodi had gotten some food from a local restaurant that she wasn’t able to eat. three seared tuna soft-shell tacos with beans and rice. they gave it to me. for free. an entire meal.
jared and i went outside to sit on the patio, and i found myself just staring at the white styrofoam treasure chest in front of me. i was dumbstruck about the answer to a pray i had hardly uttered. i was hungry, HE finds a way to feed me. i have never felt more like those birds that Jesus talks about in Luke in my life:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
“Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!”
i mean, it can’t be stated any more plain than Christ says here. we mean more to G-D than birds and flowers. so much more. and if we have faith in HIM, in his abilities to PROVIDE for, to SEE us and know our needs, to BE SEEN by us in our attention to an ACTIVE and LIVING being, we can’t go wrong. worrying doesn’t help a thing. i was hungry, and HE fed me. these are the miracles of our times. and it’s like i’ve said before, if we aren’t paying attention, we’ll mis G-D working intimately in our lives. i don’t know if there are really such things as coincidences, but i’m starting to believe less and less in them, and starting to open my eyes more to G-D’s hand in my life. it floors me. i don’t know what to say to HIM when i have these little revelations like yesterday evening. can he really love me that much? am i that precious to HIM, despite the wretched things i say and do every day? absolutely incredible.